Ultimate NLP Home Study Course

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usually to emphasize a point and are frequently accompanied by a shift in their voice
volume. Steal their key gestures so that when you make a point you can use their gestures.
You are sending that unconscious message that "I am like you" - which means they are
more likely to make your point important because it is the same way they act when they
make important points. And remember "people like people who are like themselves".
Matching Key Words And Phrases
Steal key words and phrases just as you steal key gestures. Key words and phrases are
repetitive and are given special emphasis by a subtle but noticeable shift in volume or rate
increase and are often accompanied by a key gesture.
Example:
Student: Doesn't my painting look cool when it is hung on the wall?"
Teacher: "Yes! It looks really cool.
Other key words and phrases:
hip
way to go
really bitchen'
groovy
bottom line
hot
lock it in
When Dealing With Someone Who Is Angry
When someone is angry you should increase your rate and volume to match theirs. But do
not match their anger unless you direct it away from them. Be angry with them but not at
them. In other words, pace their energy, rhythm and intensity but do not get angry at
them.
For example, you could say the following while matching their intensity, "Well, that is
just completely outrageous what happened to you!" After a moment or two, begin to get
calmer and more relaxed, if you have established rapport they will follow. You could
follow this by telling them a story of how another situation like theirs has been resolved
successfully in the past.
This works because 1) you are matching their current on-going experience and sending a
message of empathy instead of mismatching by trying to calm them down, 2) they feel
you are listening to them and are willing to do what it takes to remedy the situation for
and with them.
Flexibility is Key
It is absolutely essential to learn to be flexible in your behavior, as well as be willing to
do so, when you are learning Rapport methods and all other methods in this course.
Learning to become more flexible, to be able to communicate more effectively with a
wider range of people requires practice and a willingness to do things that at first may
seem strange. It is amazing just how much more effective you will become by taking a
little time to practice and implement the methods.
Is it Useful to Intentionally Break Rapport?
It is also very important to know and realize that there are times when you may find it
useful to deliberately be out of Rapport, or break Rapport with another individual. NLP,
as a model, describes and defines techniques by their application and utility; when it is
useful to engage in one behavior versus another. To break rapport, instead of matching,
mismatch any of the above distinctions.
True Art in Communication Is:
1. Determining what you want to occur between parties during the communication
interaction.
2. Observing and hearing without bias, becoming flexible enough to alter your behavior
to increase or break Rapport.
3. Having the sensory acuity to recognize whether you are getting closer to or further
from what you want to occur and having the flexibility to adjust your behavior
accordingly to get your outcome.
Other Methods To Gain Rapport
Additional to the above methods is to use the Meta Model and Milton Model,
Representational Systems, Beliefs and Attitudes to pace and gain Rapport.
Exercise - Leading
1. B engages A in a pleasant conversation.
2. B matches (paces) A's body posture, gestures, breath rate and language patterns.
3. When B thinks s/he has Rapport, then B leads with a body shift, gesture, etc. If
Rapport has been established, person A will follow B's lead unconsciously. A's
response may have a delay of 5-10 seconds and may be very subtle.
4. When B is sure A has followed his lead, then mismatch (break Rapport). This can
sometimes be difficult and will require flexibility on B's part.
5. B once again matches A to regain Rapport and tests with a lead.
Exercise - Matching Body Posture and Breathing
1. A and B face each other and have a pleasant conversation. B notes the body language
and breath rate of A. B begins to match A. After Matching A for awhile B tests to see
if Rapport is established by doing something different and watches to see if A
follows.
2. Do the same exercise as above, except Match vocal qualities.
3. Do the same exercise as above, except Match predicates. Listen carefully and talk
back to A in their language. After awhile, overlap or change to another
Representational System predicate and notice if a shift occurs in B.
4. B goes into a negative state. A gains Rapport and tries to shift them to a productive
state through Pacing and leading.
5. During conversation B paces statements back to A and then leads. Make three Pacing
statements and then a leading statement.
Exercise - Matching Emotional State
1. A tells B in detail about an exciting, electrifying experience that A has had. B
encourages A with gestures, body movement, voice qualities etc. C notices which of
B's behaviors are most effective in encouraging A.
2. C tells A a story using the most effective behaviors of B. B notices the effect of C's
story on A.
Exercise - Matching Chunk Size
Person A listens for the way B presents information while describing an event in B's life
and determines the chunk size (big picture or details). Then A matches back the chunk
size while continuing to converse with B about the event.
Exercise - Matching Values and Leading
B elicits values of A around some topic by asking, "What is important to you?". Then by
pacing back the values around another topic, B attempts to lead A to some action.
R
A
P
P
O
R
T
Physology Physology
Paralinguistic Cues Paralinguistic
VAK Predicates Cues
Key Gestures VAK Predicates
Buzz Words Key Gestures
Chunk Size Buzz Words
Values Chunk Size
Beliefs Values
Rules Beliefs
Content Rules
Content
Practice Session - Rapport
1. Review your manual - Physiological Indicators, Eye Accessing Cues and Predicates.
2. Watch TV interview shows with the sound off. Watch eye accessing patterns. Spend
at least 15 minutes to start identifying each system. Start with visual then switch to
auditory and then to kinesthetic. After practicing this for a few days, begin noticing
the how people use eye accessing patterns in a patterned fashion.
3. Watch TV with the sound off and notice eye accessing cues - during the interview
turn the sound up and find out whether the person s accessing cues and predicates
match.
4. Listen to talk radio or radio interview programs. Listen for the predicates the speaker
uses. Start listening for visual, then auditory and finally kinesthetic. After a few days,
begin to notice how people sequence their predicates in a patterned fashion.
5. Read editorials and letters in newspapers or magazines and highlight the VAK
predicates the author uses. Note which system the author uses predominantly.
6. Read letters you have received from friends or family and highlight their use of
predicates. Note which systems are predominant,
7. Practice matching the predicates of others while you converse. Spend the first few
minutes noticing which they predominantly use and then match them.
8. Practice matching predicates of others while conversing and notice the sequence of
predicates they use. Match for a while, then overlap to another system. Notice what
they do.
9. Spend time each day making sensory based observations. Calibrate using sensory
based language. Remember if you make an interpretive judgment you can always ask
to see if your observations are correct.
10. Generate a set of questions that will be useful to you in your own environment for
tracking eye movements. See page on eye accessing questions for guide lines.
11. Spend time noticing how people's posture, gestures and voice tone coincide with
their internal processing and the predicates and eye accesses they use. While in [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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