Ultimate Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)

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their head and shoulders. With minute and graceful movements and timing, match the
gesture patterns of the other person. Adjust your own breathing to synchronize with the
other person s breath rate and location.
Matching Chunk Size
If a person likes the "big picture", the Expert Communicator presents the "big picture". If
the person prefers the details, then this is how the Expert Communicator alters his/her
communication. You will notice that chunk size preference is generally sequential, or that
which the person wants to hear first. Some start off with big picture and move toward
filling in the details, while others prefer it reversed.
Example:
Wife: "It is important to talk about what is really important about our relationship before
we attempt to solve these little problems."
Husband: "I think that our friendship is what is most important here, and these little
problems come up when we forget about the larger issue."
Matching Values
Values are the things in life a person invests their time, money and effort to achieve.
These are usually expressed as nominalizations. For example: fun, freedom, honesty,
love, friendship, or leisure time are words used to describe what people value. People
tend to have their values aligned in a hierarchy which can be determined by asking them
specific questions. By aligning with their values, or by discussing things in terms of the
individual's hierarchy, the same unconscious message that "you are like me" is sent. If the
person s values are very different than yours, you DO NOT have to lie to them. Keep in
mind that there is always 1% that you can agree upon 100%. Start there!
Example:
Client: It love to go boating on the weekends.
Non-boating Salesperson: "What is important to you about boating?"
Client: "When I go boating, it feel so free - I get an incredible sense of freedom when I m
out there in the vast, open waters.
Non-boating Salesperson: "I can totally understand that, I get that sense of freedom when
I go hiking. It just feels so free to be out in nature.
Cross Over Matching
Using one aspect of your behavior to match a different aspect of the other person s
behavior. Pace eye blinks with your finger or breathing rate with your head nods. Tap
your finger rhythmically to their breath or cadence of speech. Sway your body subtly to
their rhythm. Most powerful form of match is to match their rhythm.
Matching Key Gestures
You can match and steal people's key gestures, which are repetitive gestures that occur
usually to emphasize a point and are frequently accompanied by a shift in their voice
volume. Steal their key gestures so that when you make a point you can use their gestures.
You are sending that unconscious message that "I am like you" - which means they are
more likely to make your point important because it is the same way they act when they
make important points. And remember "people like people who are like themselves".
Matching Key Words And Phrases
Steal key words and phrases just as you steal key gestures. Key words and phrases are
repetitive and are given special emphasis by a subtle but noticeable shift in volume or rate
increase and are often accompanied by a key gesture.
Example:
Student: Doesn't my painting look cool when it is hung on the wall?"
Teacher: "Yes! It looks really cool.
Other key words and phrases:
hip
way to go
really bitchen'
groovy
bottom line
hot
lock it in
When Dealing With Someone Who Is Angry
When someone is angry you should increase your rate and volume to match theirs. But do
not match their anger unless you direct it away from them. Be angry with them but not at
them. In other words, pace their energy, rhythm and intensity but do not get angry at
them.
For example, you could say the following while matching their intensity, "Well, that is
just completely outrageous what happened to you!" After a moment or two, begin to get
calmer and more relaxed, if you have established rapport they will follow. You could
follow this by telling them a story of how another situation like theirs has been resolved
successfully in the past.
This works because 1) you are matching their current on-going experience and sending a
message of empathy instead of mismatching by trying to calm them down, 2) they feel
you are listening to them and are willing to do what it takes to remedy the situation for
and with them.
Flexibility is Key
It is absolutely essential to learn to be flexible in your behavior, as well as be willing to
do so, when you are learning Rapport methods and all other methods in this course.
Learning to become more flexible, to be able to communicate more effectively with a
wider range of people requires practice and a willingness to do things that at first may
seem strange. It is amazing just how much more effective you will become by taking a
little time to practice and implement the methods.
Is it Useful to Intentionally Break Rapport?
It is also very important to know and realize that there are times when you may find it
useful to deliberately be out of Rapport, or break Rapport with another individual. NLP,
as a model, describes and defines techniques by their application and utility; when it is
useful to engage in one behavior versus another. To break rapport, instead of matching,
mismatch any of the above distinctions.
True Art in Communication Is:
1. Determining what you want to occur between parties during the communication
interaction.
2. Observing and hearing without bias, becoming flexible enough to alter your behavior
to increase or break Rapport. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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